The Case of Benis
For over a decade, a group of bros have pondered one burning question: Is Benis actually gay? He claims he's straight, currently has a girlfriend, but the evidence suggests otherwise. This website documents the facts so you can decide for yourself.
Warning: This investigation contains bro-science, questionable logic, and inside jokes that stopped being funny in 2012.
Circa 2015 - "I'm not gay, bro"
The Evidence
Red Flag #1
That time in college when Benis insisted on being "just friends" with every girl but would get weirdly excited about male bonding activities.
Suspicious Behavior
Benis once spent an entire summer "training" with his shirt off but never actually worked out. Just posed near gym equipment while talking about "gains."
Verbal Slip
Famous last words: "I'm not gay, I just appreciate the male form aesthetically." Then immediately ordered a cosmopolitan.
Benis Timeline
The Early Years
2008-2010
First suspicions arise when Benis spends more time coordinating outfits with his roommate than dating women. Claims it's just "being organized."
The Girlfriend Era
2016-2018
Dates Sarah for two years. Bros note he talks more about her brother than her. Relationship ends amicably - "we're better as friends."
Current Situation
2020-Present
Has new girlfriend Lisa but still gets weirdly invested in which Marvel superhero is hottest. Insists Chris Hemsworth is "objectively the best" with suspicious enthusiasm.
Bro Testimonials
Mike K.
Friend since 2007
"Look, all I'm saying is no straight guy knows that much about interior design. Dude could identify mid-century modern furniture at 50 paces. That's not normal."
Dave J.
College Roommate
"We shared a bathroom for three years. His skincare routine took longer than my entire morning. And don't get me started on the 'borrowed' shirts situation."
The People Deserve Answers
After reviewing the evidence, what's your verdict on Benis?
Total votes: 1,427
Legal Disclaimer
This website is 100% satire and created with love by Benis's actual friends (who definitely know he's gay). All content should be taken with a grain of salt and several beers. Benis, if you're reading this - we love you man, no matter who you date (but seriously, just come out already).